


All We Want for Christmas Is You

by Jade4813



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:54:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26599402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade4813/pseuds/Jade4813
Summary: When a bolt of lightning splits Barry Allen and the Flash into two different people just in time for the holidays, Barry struggles to find a way to tell Iris how he feels about her - and figure out if she really loves him or the scarlet speedster. 2019 Westallen Secret Santa exchange on Tumblr!
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

Iris had always loved Christmas. She loved everything about it. She loved the songs and the snow and the lights strung up in every window. The cheesy movies, decorations covered with glitter, and sugar cookies with brightly colored frosting. Every year, she looked forward pouring herself a giant glass of eggnog, putting on her dad’s old record of Christmas carols, and decorating the tree.

Everything about this time of year made her so happy, she didn’t complain when her editor called her at the last minute to ask her to cover a fluff piece after the reporter who was originally assigned to it got the flu. It was hardly the type of story to land on the front-page, but she didn’t mind. She wasn’t even bothered when a road closure doubled her morning commute. Instead, in the privacy of her car, she belted out Christmas carols the entire ride in. “ _I have been so good this year! And all I want is one thing; tell me my true love is near! He’s all I want, just for me, underneath my Christmas tree. I’ll be waiting here. Santa, that’s my only wish this year,”_ she sang off-key as she shut off her car and hopped out.

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she continued to hum to herself as she jogged up the front steps to the Central City Police Department. Just walking through its front doors reminded her of the thousands of times she’d come to visit her dad at his desk, growing up, and the memory made her smile.

But this trip wasn’t for a casual visit. She had work to do. Pulling out her phone, she skirted a crowd of tiny, rambunctious children and leaned against the wall as she waited for the show to start.

* * *

“I look ridiculous,” Barry muttered in the next room as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. For the tenth time in at least as many minutes, he tried to straighten his cap. It of course immediately tilted askew again.

“You look…well, the kids will love it, at least,” Singh replied, trying to cover his smile.

Barry huffed and adjusted his hat again, trying not to think about how absurd he looked. Or how his tights were starting to chafe. “How did I get talked into this again?”

Singh chuckled. “Because you were late to the meeting where we talked about the governor’s new STEM initiative in the local school system, so when I announced the governor wanted us to host a program, everyone voted you for the job. Let this be a lesson to you. If you don’t want to dress up like an elf, show up on time.” In the other room, he heard teachers call their kids to order, and Singh handed Barry a giant plastic reindeer print. “That’s your cue. When you get out there, just remember…they’re six. Try not to confuse them.”

“Six. Right. Got it.” Sucking in a deep breath, Barry adjusted his cap one more time and then pasted a grin on his face and bounded through the doors. “Hey, kids! I’m…um…I’m…”

His lines completely evaporated from memory when he scanned the crowd and saw her. Iris West. Ace reporter for the CCPN. And girl he’d had a massive crush on for over almost a year. He’d known CCPN was sending a journalist, but he never imagined it would be her; she usually covered more hard-hitting stories than this type of fluff piece. There were rumors her last story breaking a bribery scandal at City Hall could land her a Pulitzer.

He’d been trying to find a way to say more than five words to her for months now, and he’d gotten too tongue-tied every time. And now she was standing three feet away, staring at him in his ridiculous elf costume. With tights. Her eyes bright with laughter, she hardly was hardly looking at him like he was the man of her dreams.

So much for suavely sweeping her off her feet.

His heart sinking, Barry tried to pull his attention back to the task at hand. He suspected his face was bright red as he stammered, “I’m…um…I’m Barry, Head Elf here at Santa’s workshop. I’m responsible for helping to make sure things are neat and tidy around here.” He gestured around at the lobby, which had been decorated for the holidays. Half of the area had been decorated to look like Santa’s workshop, and that’s where Barry was holding his show. Tearing his eyes away from Iris, he plowed ahead with the script. “Oh, my gosh! Who made a mess of Santa’s workshop? We’ve got to get this figured out before the big guy comes back! You’ll help me, won’t you?”

As the kids cheered, he held up the plastic footprint Singh had handed him. “Excellent! Whenever there’s a mystery around here, I help get to the bottom of it by looking at clues. I found this one outside. You know we elves can tell a lot from looking at footprints just like this. We can tell what kind of animal it’s from. Will you kids help me out?”

The kids cheered, and Barry tried not to think about what she might be thinking as he turned his attention back to the children in the audience. “Thank you! So, like I said, elves can tell what kind of animal left prints just from looking at their shape! Take a look at your feet. Have you ever noticed the prints you leave behind when you walk in the snow? I bet they look a lot like this.” He held up a large picture of a footprint and then stared between the two with an confused expression on his face. “Is this what the footprint I found outside looks like?”

The children shouted no, and he shook his head. “I think you’re right. What about a polar bear?” As he held up a picture of a polar bear’s paw print, he gave in to the temptation to look towards Iris again. She had a hand up, covering her mouth, but her eyes were filled with laughter. His stomach twisted at the sight.

What must she think of him? Given his luck, probably that he was a giant dork. He’d never have a chance with her now.

* * *

Iris tried not to giggle as she watched Barry teach the kids a few basic concepts of forensic science in a fun an engaging way. For their part, the kids were engrossed in his show, their excitement almost overwhelming when they realized that the “prints” Barry found outside belonged to a reindeer. From there, Barry found some crumbs and they helped him identify that the crumbs came from sugar cookies. Finally, Barry found some white hairs, which he held up for the audience to see.

“You know, I bet if we can figure out who left these behind, we’ll finally uncover who made a mess of Santa’s workshop. But this hair is white. Who do we know that has white hair like this? Is it me? Does this look like my hair?”

“No!” the kids yelled, practically bouncing up and down from their seats on the floor.

“No? Hm…I guess you’re right. What about…this pretty lady.” He pointed right at Iris, and she rolled her eyes at him with a good-natured smile. “Does she have hair like this?”

“No!” the kids screamed even louder.

Barry approached one of the kids in the front row. “What about you?” he asked the little girl with red hair and freckles. “Does this look like your hair?”

The little girl giggled and shook her head while the children around her shouted louder still, “NO!”

“Huh. So who is it? Who has hair like this?” Barry asked, feigning confusion for the audience.

“SANTA CLAUS!”

“Santa Claus?” Barry gasped. “Do you think this could be Santa’s hair?”

The audience shouted their agreement, just as the door opened and Captain Singh strolled in, wearing a red suit with a white wig and beard. “Ho, ho, ho! Did somebody call my name?” he asked jovially, with a voice that had grown accustomed to carrying over a room full of busy detectives for many years.

At the sight of Santa, the children lost whatever shred of composure they had left, squealing in excitement. “SANTA CLAUS!”

The wave of sound almost bowled Iris over, and she watched Barry wait for it to ebb a bit before continuing. “Santa! Did _you_ make this mess?”

Santa hung his head. “I did. I’m sorry, Barry. Everyone knows when you make a mess, you’re supposed to clean it up. Isn’t that right, kids?”

The kids screamed their agreement, but Iris wasn’t really paying attention anymore. While Barry’s attention was distracted, she lifted her phone and snapped a couple of surreptitious photos, telling herself they’d be a great addition to the story. But if she was honest with herself, she really wanted the photos because Barry just looked so darn adorable dressed up as an elf.

She’d met Barry before, of course. They’d even spoken a few times in passing at various crime scenes, when Iris was looking for a quote. She’d always thought he was kind of cute, but that was about as far as it went. Every time she and Barry talked, he seemed desperate to be anywhere else, so she’d assumed that he wasn’t a fan of reporters and hadn’t given it a second thought.

But seeing him now, dressed up in his ridiculous costume and going through this whole act just to make some kids happy – and hopefully get them excited to learn about science – he was…perfect. Charming. Adorable. And so damn endearing, when Santa made his excuses and left and Barry the elf ask the kids in the audience if they had any questions, she almost raised her hand and asked him out on a date. She knew he wasn’t a fan of reporters, but maybe she could convince him to give her a shot.

Before she do something utterly humiliating – like give in to the urge to ask Barry about the dating habits of elves at the North Pole – a tow-haired child in the front row asked, “Mister Barry, is Santa really the Flash?”

Barry straightened, clearly surprised by the question. It wasn’t what she had been expecting, either, though she supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised it came up. Ever since she’d broken the story of Central City’s resident superhero and given him his official moniker a few months before, he’d been a hot topic for discussion. Mystery surrounded him, since nobody had yet landed an interview, including Iris. That didn’t stop everyone in the city from having an opinion – on who he was, where his powers came from, what he could do, and even what it would be like to date a superhero.

“Oh. Um…no, the Flash and Santa are two different people. The Flash helps Santa out sometimes, though! It’s hard to deliver all those presents in one night, you know!”

“How old is Santa?” another little boy asked.

Barry considered the question. “I don’t think anyone knows. He’s really old, though.”

Undeterred, the little boy pressed, “My daddy said Santa and his elves don’t age, so why do you look so old? How old are you? A thousand? Are you thirty?” His voice made it clear that might be even worse. Iris had to press her hand to her mouth to muffle her giggles.

“I’m…um…elves don’t…they don’t age like normal people so…I’m actually pretty young for an elf! I…um…next question?”

A shy little boy raised his hand and asked in a voice barely above a whisper, “Does Rudolph really have a red nose?”

Barry’s excitement was visible as he replied, “Yes, actually! Some reindeer really do have red noses because of dense nasal microcirculation.”

“Micro what?”

Barry grimaced. “Six. Right. Um…some reindeer have a lot of blood vessels packed into a really small space, which helps regulate their temperature up at the North Pole. So that makes their noses look red. Rudolph…um…just has a brighter red nose than most!”

A little girl raised her hand. “Does Santa have any girl reindeer?”

He nodded, once again losing himself in excitement over the topic. “Absolutely! You know, reindeer are unusual because both boys and girls grow antlers. Of course, the male reindeer usually lose their antlers in winter, so really, when you see all those pictures of reindeer with huge antlers, they’re probably either girls or boys who have been…um…” As though remembering once again the age of his audience, Barry shot a desperate look around, blushing bright red. “Um…boys who have kept their antlers due to…um… Santa’s magic. Any…any other questions?”

Oh my god. He was so endearing, so adorably flustered, Iris’s hands tingled with the desire to grab him by his silly elf shirt and pull him in for a kiss. However, this turned into a bark of laughter at the expression of sheer terror on Barry’s face when another little girl asked, “My mommy said I’m getting a baby sister for Christmas and it’s growing in her belly. How did you and Santa put it there?”

“What?” he squeaked in alarm, and Iris had to smother her laughter behind her hand. “I…I…I didn’t…I…it’s…I…” His face was almost puce when Iris finally took pity on him.

Stepping forward, she cleared her throat to get the crowd’s attention. Meeting the little girl’s eyes, she said, “You know, my daddy used to be friends with Santa when I was growing up, and do you want to know what he told me? He told me sometimes Santa’s greatest gifts aren’t presents. It’s making wishes come true. So he didn’t really put your baby sister in your mommy’s belly. He just helped make your mommy and daddy’s wish come true.”

“So that means he can turn me into a dragon?” a little boy yelled excitedly from the other side of the room. From the long-suffering expression on his teacher’s face, Iris suspected this was a recurring topic of discussion.

She pressed her finger against her chin as she considered the question. “Well…I suppose he could,” she began slowly, prompting a glare from the teacher. “But I don’t think you’d really want that. And neither would he.”

“Yes I would! Because then I could eat anyone who annoyed me! Rawr!”

Iris laughed. “That is a good point,” she conceded. “But Santa loves you just the way you are, and you wouldn’t be that person anymore. And, anyway, Santa only brings presents to _human_ boys and girls…and sometimes the pets that love them the most. So if he turned you into a dragon, he wouldn’t be able to bring you presents. And I’m pretty sure eating people would put you on the naughty list, so he wouldn’t be able to come visit you anymore. Wouldn’t that make you sad?”

The little boy looked stunned. “I…I never thought about that,” he murmured, sitting back down with an expression of intense concentration on his face as he mulled over her revelation.

“Anyway, it’s time for me to get back to making toys with the rest of the elves!” Barry blurted, and Iris could swear she felt his hand brush against hers before he started to edge towards the door. “Thank you all for coming and for asking really insightful, really _hard_ questions. Don’t forget to see Shirley at the reception desk for some cookies! Bye everyone!”

Seizing the opportunity, Iris darted through the door behind him. “Great job out there.”

He jumped and whirled around. “Iris! I…thank you. I probably looked like a giant dork in this costume.”

She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t know. I think it takes a lot of confidence to go out there like that.” Sucking in a deep breath, she seized her courage. “So, anyway. I’ve been thinking. I was wondering if you wanted to –”

Before she could finish asking him out, several cops flooded into the area, racing towards the door. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Metahuman spotted downtown,” one replied quickly as he hurried to the door. “Singh said to get your CSI kit ready. We may need you later.”

“Oh. I –” Barry began apologetically. “I’m sorry. I should really –”

“No, of course. You have work. I can come by later for those, um, those questions I was going to ask you. You do what you gotta do. Um…but you might want to change before you go.”

“What? Oh, right,” Barry replied, looking down at his costume with a sheepish smile. “Thanks for the help earlier.”

“My pleasure,” she responded with a warm smile before turning and darting out the door. If there was a metahuman downtown, she needed to get down there. Everything came second to a story, including her love life. When she jumped in the car, she turned on her police scanner to the site of the action, pulling over a half block or so away and jumping out to get a better look.

She gasped when she noticed two tornadoes forming in the sky overhead. “Oh, my god,” she breathed. The winds picked up, lifting a semi off the ground and sending it hurtling down the street toward her. Iris knew she wouldn’t be able to get in her car and get away in time, so she turned to run.

Before she could take more than a couple of steps, she felt herself get swept off her feet and had a moment of terror that she’d been caught up by the tornado. When she opened her eyes, however, she saw that she was wrapped in the Flash’s arms as he carried her up the side of a building to the roof.

“Hey there, pretty lady. Just getting you out of the path of danger.”

“Um…thank you,” she breathed. “And I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything. But with those tornadoes overhead, I’m not sure this is a lot safer.”

“I’m on it,” he reassured her, setting her carefully back on her feet. “Thanks for the name, by the way. The Flash. I like it.”

“You – you know who I am?” It hardly seemed like the time to worry about that kind of thing, but her brain seemed to be stuck in neutral.

“Of course I know who you are, Miss West. Believe me, you’re not an easy woman to forget.” Without another word, he raced off, leaving Iris dumbstruck behind him. She raced to the edge of the roof and bent over the ledge, watching the trail of lightning that trailed behind the Flash as she tried to get a better look at the action.

* * *

It felt good to carry Iris in his arms, Barry mused as he raced back to the ground. Not that this was the best time to think about that, but he always found it hard to get Iris out of his mind. He thought about the look on her face when he’d put her back on her feet. Like she was as captivated by him as he always had been by her.

Maybe things weren’t as dire as he’d thought. Sure, she’d seen him in a dorky elf costume, but surely he could recover. Maybe someday he could get her to think about him the same way he thought about her.

Not that this was the time to worry about that, he acknowledged as he saw a tall man with sandy brown hair tuck a metal wand into his coat before turning to the window behind him. Incredibly, the window seemed to ripple, its surface turning reflective, and the man stepped through. Another man with dark hair and a beard followed, and Barry followed without a second thought.

A second later, a flash of lightning streaked overhead. It arced toward the ground, striking Barry just as he touched the strange, shifting window into which the two men had disappeared. The impact blew his body backwards, sending him sprawling into the alleyway, and he groaned. It was the second time in his life he’d been struck by lightning, and he couldn’t say the experience became any more enjoyable through repetition.

Feeling like he’d been hit by the semi he’d saved Iris from a few minutes before, Barry moaned again. When he finally gathered the strength to open his eyes, he saw that he was naked. Desperately hoping nobody was around to see him in such a state, he staggered to his feet.

That’s when he saw it. A man dressed all in red, lying a few feet away. Even as he watched, the man groaned and struggled to stand, pushing his cowl off his head as he did so. When he finally straightened, Barry found himself staring into a face as well as he knew his own. In fact, he knew that face because it _was_ his own.

Somehow, Barry was staring into the Flash’s face. Which shouldn’t have been possible, because he _was_ the Flash. Then again, if there was one thing he’d learned in the past year, it was not to doubt the impossible.

Still, it was hard to believe his eyes. “What?” he asked, feeling all the blood rush away from his head. He tried to vibrate his hand at super-speed, but nothing happened, which is when Barry realized he no longer hand his powers.

“What?” the other man asked, sounding as incredulous as he did. Lightning sparked in his eyes, and Barry realized what had happened. As hard as it was to believe, the lightning had split Barry Allen and the Flash into two different bodies. What was he supposed to do?

“ _What?_ ”


	2. Chapter 2

Two days later, Barry was distracted, lost in conversation with Captain Singh as the two men strolled into Jitters together. “So I was reading a treatise last night on heavy-ion science, and I was thinking –” 

“Wait. You were doing what?” Singh asked. “Allen, we have got to find you a hobby.”

“I have hobbies!” he protested weakly. “I have lots of hobbies! I like to do…um…” Before he could come up with a suitable reply, he heard someone call his name and turned to see Iris standing by the door, a wide smile on her face. “Iris!”

“Fancy seeing you here!” she joked, grabbing her coffee from the barista before skirting around two college students and a businessman to draw closer. “Guess I wasn’t the only one in need of some caffeinated fortification this morning.” A grimace flashed across her face before she turned her attention to Singh. “Captain. It’s good to see you.”

Singh nodded. “You, too.” Glancing between them, he cleared his throat. “You know, that line is looking a little packed. Why don’t I go place our order while you stay here to chat?”

Barry threw his boss a desperate look as the other man blended into the crowd. Singh clearly had no interest in coming to his rescue, so he turned his attention back to the woman who had been on his mind since their last meeting. Normally, he would be thrilled to see her, but he was hardly at his best. “Hey, Iris” he greeted her weakly. “What are you doing here? I mean, not that it’s not nice to see you. I just…I’m not…isn’t it a little out of the way from CCPN?”

“A little,” she admitted. “But I was in the area anyway. I was…um…working on a story.”

He shifted his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other, wishing he could think of something smooth to say. Distracted by the beauty of her smile, it was hard for him to pull together a coherent thought, let alone a line that would sweep her off her feet and convince her to give him a chance. “Oh, yeah? About what?”

Iris looked startled by the question. After a moment of hesitation, she explained, “About…um…about the Flash. I was going to stop by the CCPD. I understand some of your fellow officers have met him before.”

His heart sank at the words. Of course. She’d been happy to see him because she was looking for information about the Flash. He should have realized. “One or two.”

She paused and bit her lip as she looked up at him through her lashes. “Actually…if you want to know the truth…I was coming to see you.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, suspecting she was only interested in asking him for more information about the Flash and trying to hide his misery behind a smile.

She nodded. “I was wondering…would you like to have dinner sometime? With me? Maybe tonight?” They were interrupted as Singh walked up with two coffee cups in hand. Iris blushed as she continued, blurting, “I mean, unless you have other plans? With a wife or a girlfriend, maybe?”

“No. No wife or girlfriend. I mean, no plans,” he replied distractedly, taking the cup Singh offered him. “Uh, sure. I can help you with your story about the Flash, if you want. I know him a little. I mean, I’ve met him. At work. Once.”

“I wasn’t –” she began, then broke off with a sigh. “All right. Thanks. I’ll stop by later, then. Um, I should go. Nice seeing you, Barry. Singh.”

With a nod, she turned and walked out the door, and Barry sighed as he watched her go. Next to him, Singh stared at him with an expression of utter incredulity on his face. “I can’t believe that just happened.”

“What?” Then, belatedly realizing he might have mis-stepped, Barry rushed to recover. “Oh, right. I should have gotten clearance from you to help her with her story first. I didn’t even think about it, but if it makes you feel any better, I promise I won’t divulge any sensitive or classified information!”

Singh shook his head. “That’s not…” He broke off, punching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “You know, for a brilliant guy…you’re kind of an idiot.”

Barry’s cup paused halfway to his mouth. “What?” he asked in confusion as Singh just shook his head again and led the way outside of the building. “What’s that supposed to mean? Captain?”

—

“Way to go, Iris. Really swept him off his feet,” she muttered to herself, leaning her head back against the headrest. She’d been so flustered when she saw him, she barely heard a word that was coming out of her mouth. He probably thought she was a total dork.

She’d been on her way to see him at the precinct, mustering the courage to ask him out on a date, when she realized she didn’t quite know what she would say to him. So she’d decided to stop by Jitters for a quick cup of coffee when she’d unexpectedly run into him there. He’d looked even more adorable than she remembered, his hair windblown and his eyes bright with excitement. As he walked in, she noticed that he’d missed a button on his shirt that morning, making him look slightly askew. If anything, it only made her heart melt a little bit more.

She’d gathered her courage and finally got around to asking him out, and he’d completely missed all of her signals. Or…or he was trying to be kind in telling her he wasn’t interested? It was a demoralizing thought.

With a sigh, she turned the key in the ignition and the radio immediately began to blast another Christmas song.

_… want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you …_

Iris rolled her eyes. “Now even the radio is mocking me,” she grumbled, hitting the button to change the station. In doing so, she managed to catch the tail end of some radio personality banter.

_“… wonder what is going on with the Flash lately? Have you been paying attention to this? He’s been everywhere today! I don’t think he’s taken a break all day!”_

_“Well, maybe he’s just filled with the Christmas spirit? I’ll tell you this; he can run over here and save me any day!”_

Frowning, Iris pulled over and grabbed her phone, quickly perusing her news feed. The radio report seemed to be correct. She found story after story of supposed sightings of the Flash, doing everything from stopping a mugging to saving a kitten from a tree. From the moment he’d first stepped onto the scene, he’d been pretty active, of course. But in the past day or so, he seemed to be more active than ever. As far as Iris could tell, he hadn’t taken a single break.

Tapping her fingers on the steering wheel, she considered Barry’s offer to help her with her supposed Flash story. She hadn’t had such a story in mind, but maybe his misunderstanding wasn’t so unfortunate, after all. Perhaps there really was a story behind Flash’s recent increase in activity – and it would hardly be the worst thing in the world if she and Barry got to know each other a little better in the process.

A smile crossing her face for the first time since she walked out of Jitters, Iris hit the button to change the radio station again and started to sing, _“– don’t want a lot for Christmas, this is all I’m asking for! I just wanna see my baby standing right outside my door. I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know! Make my wish come true! Baby all I want for Christmas is you!”_

—

Barry raced home from work that evening, eager to find a way to reverse the effects of…whatever had happened two nights before. He’d wanted to call off sick so that he could focus his attention on the problem, but he’d done so the day before, to no avail. He couldn’t afford to raise suspicion or bring attention to himself, so he’d tried the best he could to keep his mind on his work and make it through the day.

As soon as he got home, he pulled out his phone and hit a few buttons, setting off the signal he’d installed in the Flash suit the night before. Only a minute or so passed before a gust of wind sent some papers flying off his desk and he found himself looking into a face that looked exactly like his own. It never stopped being unnerving.

“You won’t believe what I did today!” the Flash exclaimed before launching into a litany of the day’s achievements. Barry was only half-listening, in part because the Flash was speaking so fast it was hard to distinguish the words.

“Flash. Flash!” he interjected, as soon as the man in red stopped for breath. “I need you to focus.”

“Focus. Right. Focus.” In the past two days, they’d discovered that, while Flash retained his – their? – superhuman speed, he lacked the ability to focus for more than a couple of minutes at a time. He was constantly in motion; even as he stood in front of Barry now, his hands were fidgeting and restless. But, then, Barry knew well how _slow_ the rest of the world seemed to a man who was connected to the speed force. To this version of the Flash, the pace at which he had to move in order to interact with the rest of the world must have been torture. “What’s up?”

“What? Oh, right.” If the Flash was easily distracted, Barry struggled with the opposite problem. He found it too easy to get lost in thought, tuning out the rest of the world to the point that Singh had yelled at him more than once that day. Still, it was almost certainly for the best that Barry retained most of their scientific training, since it would be up to him to get the two of them out of their current predicament. “Did you come across anything today that could help us figure this out?”

“Hmmm…I don’t think so,” the Flash replied, sinking back onto Barry’s couch. Even as he relaxed, his leg started to shake so fast that it became a blur of movement. “You?”

Barry shook his head. “No, although…” he paused and looked at some readouts on his computer. “Your speed seems to have exponentially increased from our original readings.”

The Flash grinned, jumping to his feet. “Really? That’s great! Hey, is that a police siren? I should go check it out!”

“Wait!” Barry blurted, but it was no use. The Flash was already gone. With a sigh, he turned his attention back to the readings. The Flash seemed to believe that the increased speed was a good thing, but he wasn’t quite sure. The readouts showed increased strain on the Flash’s heart and muscles. The readings were still within acceptable limits – for the superhero, at least – but the rising levels were concerning. Could even the Flash hit a point where he burned himself out? And what would happen if he did? And if the Flash was suffering such physiological effects, could Barry be suffering from similar negative physiological effects?

It was only further proof that he had to find a way to reverse this separation of theirs. And not just because he was jealous of himself for being able to make Iris smile as she had when she talked about her story on the city’s resident superhero.

Iris. Barry sighed as he thought about their meeting earlier that day. She’d been so beautiful in her grey peacoat jacket, her eyes bright from the cold. And her smile…he sighed and sagged back into his chair when he thought about her smile. If only he was the one who had brought that expression to her face. Well, in a sense, he kind of was. Except he wasn’t anymore. It was all so confusing.

He still hadn’t come up with a solution to his problem, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t help her with hers. Tapping his fingers on the desk, he considered his options. Then, as a plan formed in his mind, he hit the button again, summoning the Flash back to his apartment. The hero was almost giddy as he burst into the room again. “You aren’t going to _believe_ what just happened! This guy’s car was on fire, and –”

“Flash. Flash!” Barry interjected. “I need your help with something. It’s for Iris.”

“Iris? Of course. What do you need?” At the sound of her name, the Flash’s voice softened, his eyes grew warm, and a goofy smile crossed his face. Was that really how he looked whenever someone mentioned her name? If so, how was everyone in Central City not aware of his feelings for her already?

Pushing his inexplicable jealousy aside, he laid out his plan, finishing with, “So you’ll do it? Tomorrow night? Eight o’clock?”

“If it’s for Iris? You can count on it,” Flash promised before racing off again.

Sighing sadly, alone in his apartment, Barry pulled out his phone and did a quick search for Iris’s number. He wished he’d thought to ask for it earlier. A quick browse of the CCPN website revealed her office line, and he dialed it before he could second-guess himself. “Iris? It’s Barry. Um…Barry Allen? From CCPD? Oh, you probably knew that. Anyway, I was just…well, I just ran into the Flash, and I mentioned that you wanted to do a story on him. He, um, he agreed to do an interview. If you want, of course. So, um, give me a call. When you can. If you want.”

Blushing bright red, Barry hung up the phone before he could embarrass himself further. It would all be worth it if it made Iris happy, of course. Even if the idea that Flash would be the cause of all her smiles did make him more than a little jealous of his other self.


	3. Chapter 3

Several days later, Iris was seriously wondering what kind of trouble she would get in if she just quietly strangled Barry with her own two hands. It wasn’t that he was being a jerk to her. Quite the contrary; he couldn’t have been more accommodating if he tried. Actually, he was being entirely _too_ accommodating.

On three different occasions, Iris had concocted plausible excuses for the two of them to work together – stories that she thought could conceivable require the insight of a CSI. In each of those instances, the Flash had solved the case shortly thereafter, and Barry had left her a message congratulating her on getting the story. Iris didn’t doubt for a second that Barry had ratted her out to the superhero, no doubt attempting to be kind – he had mentioned that he and the Flash had spoken a time or two. And of course he had no way of knowing it was all a pretext to get close to him. But it didn’t stop her from wanting her to kill him.

She tried to push her homicidal impulses out of her mind as she focused on what he was saying on the other end of the line. “…Flash wanted to apologize for not being able to make your last appointment for that interview –”

“Oh, that’s all right,” she rushed to reassure him. “He had that apartment fire to take care of, after all.”

“Right. Well…he was wondering if you were free to give him another shot. Tonight, eight o’clock? On the CCPN rooftop?”

“Eight? Oh…um…that’s fine,” she agreed.

As she wrapped up the call and she hung up, she tried not to imagine shoving Barry off said rooftop. He was so oblivious, he would probably never see it coming.

* * *

“Flash, where are you? You don’t have long before your interview with Iris, and you were the one who wanted to go over some of your answers ahead of time!” Barry hissed into the microphone connected to an earpiece in the superhero’s cowl as he paced back and forth across his living room.

“Oh. Right. Listen. Barry. Can you take care of the interview for me? I don’t think I’ll be able to get back in time.”

“Flash, you can’t do this to me again. Iris is depending on you! Wait. Back? What do you mean, back? Where are you?”

“I’m not sure…Singapore, maybe? There was an emergency…”  
  
Barry stifled a sigh. He didn’t begrudge the Flash his heroics, but that was the problem. There was always another emergency, and the Flash seemed less and less able to know when to stop running after them. It was taking a toll on the superhero’s body, and Barry was worried about what might happen if he didn’t find a way to join them back together again soon. Trying one last time to plead his case, he pointed out, “That won’t work! She doesn’t want to talk to me; she wants to talk to you.”

“Yeah, but we’re the same person. Well…we were, not that long ago. Barry, you know I’d do anything for Iris, but this is important, too. You can do this. I believe in you.”

Barry groaned and sank onto the couch. That was easy for the Flash to say; he’d gotten the lion’s share of his confidence when they split into two bodies – not to mention the entirety of whatever “game” Barry had ever possessed in his life. Now it didn’t matter how many times he rehearsed the perfect line in his mind; every time he saw Iris, his thoughts became jumbled and he just made a fool out of himself. Was it any wonder she would prefer his alter-ego’s company to his own?

As though the Flash could read his mind – and given that they had been one person not long ago, it probably didn’t take much for him to guess what Barry was thinking – the superhero suggested, “I know! Make sure the earpiece in your cowl is turned on, and I’ll be able to listen in. If you really get stuck, I’ll help you come up with something to say. Deal?”

Barry hesitated. Would that really work? Would he be able to pull it off without Iris catching on? In his mind, he knew that the smart thing to do would be to call her and postpone her interview with the Flash for another time. Again. But his heart leapt at the thought of spending just a few minutes in her company.

Every time she’d called him about a story, he’d reminded himself that her real interest was in a story about the Flash, so he’d done everything he could to help her out. Even when it broke his heart. If she was attracted to the Flash, if the Flash made her happy, it was the least he could do.

Sometimes he considered telling her the truth about the accident that had split them in two, but it all seemed so unbelievable, he didn’t even know how he would begin. Part of him was beginning to worry that it might not matter, in the end. Try as he might, he was no closer to a cure for their peculiar situation than he was the night of the lightning strike. The loss of his other half was like an ache deep inside him, but he had no guarantee that it could ever be reversed.

If he was never able to undo whatever accident had left the two of them in this state, then he at least wanted Iris to be happy. Even if it was with the other half of himself. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t tempted to steal whatever moments with her that he could get, even if his conscience nagged him about it in the morning.

He would do it. He would take Flash’s place. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to disappoint her, but deep down, he knew it was just so he could have a chance to see her smile.

* * *

Iris felt inexplicably nervous as she made her way to the roof. She’d committed hundreds of interviews over the course of her career, but this was her first interview with a superhero – let alone one she had discovered and named.

She opened the door to the roof slowly, letting her eyes scan the bright city lights as she stepped out of the warmth of the building. “Flash? Are you here?”

There was a slight scrape of shoe against cement, and one shadow separated from the rest as a man dressed all in red moved slightly. Resting his fists on his hips, he greeted her with a voice that was slightly too loud, “Hello, citizen!”

In an instant, her nervousness disappeared, and she tried not to laugh. “’Citizen?’” she parroted. “What happened to ‘Miss West’? Anyway, you can call me Iris, you know. It seems only fair since I named you.” 

The Flash shifted. His voice dropping softly, he amended his greeting, “Oh. Right. Iris. It’s – it’s good to see you.”

Iris stifled a smile as she pulled out her notebook and began to run through the questions she’d prepared ahead of time. Who was he, how did he get his powers, how fast could he run, what was it like to be the fastest man alive? He responded in a careful, measured tone that indicated he had anticipated the questions and prepared answers ahead of time. It was all useful information, but she felt she was hardly getting to the real story.

Finally, throwing away her prepared questions, she decided to see if she could throw him off and get an honest, unrehearsed answer out of him. “So, tell me, Flash. Do you have a girlfriend?”

“A girlfriend? Me?” he asked in a voice a good octave higher than any he’d used so far. “N-no! I-I mean, I don’t – it wouldn’t be safe for – I c-can’t answer questions that might c-compromise my secret identity!” There was something almost familiar about his embarrassed rambling, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She pushed that thought aside for the moment when she heard him mumble, “Are you going to help or not?”

Frowning, Iris looked around, wondering who he was talking to. Perhaps she’d misheard him. “I don’t mean to pry into your secret identity, but you should know you can trust me. I would never do anything to put you in danger.”

“I-I trust you,” he replied, without the measured calm that had marked his answers before. “I was just…surprised by the question. So what about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

She shook her head and replied lightly, “Not at the moment. There’s someone I’m interested in, but I don’t know that he feels the same way about me.”

“He does,” the Flash replied with quiet confidence.

Iris tilted her head and considered him in silence for a moment. “How do you know?”

“Because I can’t imagine anyone not being crazy about you,” he replied in a voice so soft she had to strain to hear it. This time, when she stepped forward, he didn’t move away.

She swallowed heavily. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

He bridged the distance between them, moving out of the shadows, though he kept his face tilted down to obscure his features. Lifting one hand, he traced his thumb across her cheek, and she smelled the earthy scent of his leather glove when she sucked in a sharp breath. “Of course not. You’re special to me, Iris. Don’t you know that by now?”

Biting her lower lip, she gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head. There was something about him that seemed so familiar, so welcoming, and part of her wanted to lean into his warmth. But wasn’t that disloyal, when she had a crush on Barry? Not that he seemed to return her interest. But she thought about the way her heart leapt when she saw Barry, and she sighed. Getting over her crush on him wouldn’t be so easy, she expected.

Trying to pull her attention back to the man in front of her, she lifted one hand to cover his own. “It must be so lonely, doing what you do. I think sometimes you must carry the world on your shoulders – or at least the people of Central City. It can’t be easy. Why do you do it?”

She felt his eyes on her, studying her face, as he replied without taking the time to consider his words. “For the same reason you do what you do, I suppose. Because I can. Maybe I’m the only one who can. I never thought about whether it would be easy, or whether it was dangerous, or anything like that. There’s something I can do that other people can’t, and it’s something that can do a lot of good. I think if you have the ability to help, you have a duty to do so. Don’t you?”

“I suppose,” she agreed with a light laugh. “Although I don’t know that I would compare what I do to what you do. You seem to save the world on a fairly regular basis, after all.”

“And you uncover the truth. You bring people hope. That’s important. You don’t need superpowers to be a superhero, you know.”

She wanted to laugh off his words, but there was a quiet honesty to them that made it impossible for her to doubt his sincerity. “I–” she began, but whatever she’d been about to say – and she couldn’t have said what that was going to be for the life of her – she heard sirens pass by on the street below. “Duty calls, huh?” she asked, stepping back.

She could see the shadow of a frown flicker across his face. “Duty? Oh. Right.”

Turning, she leaned over the railing to watch the police cars speed past. She heard a foot scrape behind her and, a moment later, she saw a flash of light down below, followed by a streak of lightning. Both were gone before she could get a closer look. Had she imagined it?

She watched for a couple more minutes, but when nothing else happened, she allowed herself to relax. So, believing herself to be alone again, Iris let her mind wander as she gazed out over the city she loved, remembering the Flash’s awkward stammering earlier. There was something almost…familiar about it. But it couldn’t be…could it?

As snow started to fall, Iris leaned her head back and stared up at the sky, noticing how it cold the evening air was for the first time. Shivering slightly, she turned and headed for the door, her mind still occupied by thoughts of superheroes and CSIs.

* * *

“What happened? I thought you were going to – oh god, are you okay?” Barry blurted when he let himself into his apartment and saw the Flash sprawled out on his couch. With his cowl pushed back, he looked pale and weak, barely able to summon the energy to lift his head off the pillow. “Flash, what’s going on?” He raced to the couch to help the other half of himself sit up, but every time the Flash moved, tiny sparks of lightning arced down his body.

“Hey, Barry. I’ll be okay. I’m sorry about earlier. How did everything go? With Iris, I mean?”

Barry shook his head. His palm still tingled from where he’d pressed it against her cheek, imagining he could feel the softness of her skin through his thick leather glove. He also remembered his embarrassment as he’d hidden behind something on the roof until she left, praying she wouldn’t catch him impersonating the Flash and wishing he’d thought ahead how he would manage to leave with any degree of finesse, since he was lacking super speed. But they could talk about that later. For now, he was worried about what was happening to his alter ego. “That doesn’t matter right now. What happened to you?”

The Flash offered him a shaky smile. “I don’t know what’s happening. It’s…it’s getting harder to slow down. Tonight, I ran so fast…faster than I’d ever gone. I felt myself get pulled into…something. I can’t explain it, but it was so…beautiful. I didn’t know that I would ever come back, and I almost didn’t want to.”

“So how did you?” Barry asked in concern.

The Flash gave a slight shrug, but the gesture seemed to take more energy he had left. “I remembered you had that interview with Iris, and I knew I couldn’t let you down.”

Growing increasingly worried, Barry raced over to his computer and booted it up to pull up the readings he’d been compiling on the Flash. They seemed to confirm his deepest fears – the Flash’s speed had increased to faster than it had ever been, but the toll it was taking on his body was alarming. At this rate, Barry was concerned he would burn himself out. What would happen to him if he did? To either of them?

Although his pulse still raced at the memory of how beautiful Iris had been on the rooftop, Barry knew he couldn’t afford to let himself be distracted by her until he found a way to undo the separation that seemed to be literally killing the Flash. For both their sakes.

* * *

Iris found herself unable to get much sleep that night, distracted by a nagging suspicion about the Flash’s secret identity. But when she finally gave up on the pretense of rest, she bounded out of bed with a plan. She dressed quickly, grabbed a quick bite to eat, and booted up her computer to do a quick Internet search. A few minutes later, she slipped Barry’s address in her pocket, poured herself a large cup of coffee to go, and raced out the door. It was time to confront her suspicions head-on.

A while later, however, when she found herself outside of Barry’s apartment, doubt had begun to creep in. Was she reading too much into the Flash’s awkward stammering the night before? Was it possible her crush on Barry had progressed to the point where everything reminded him of her, and she was about to make a gigantic fool of herself?

Only one way to find out. Swallowing the butterflies in her stomach, she raised a hand and knocked sharply on the door. When it opened a moment later, however, she gasped in surprise.

Barry looked pale and drawn, and sweat beaded at his brow. She wondered if she’d inadvertently awoken him, as his hair was mussed, and he was dressed in a white t-shirt and sweats. He looked ill, and Iris’s suspicions fled behind her concern. “Oh, my god, Barry. Are you okay?”

“What? I’m not –” He broke off with a weak cough and shook his head. “Sorry, you caught me at a bad moment. I’m just feeling a little under the weather.”

“I can see that. You look terrible,” Iris said, rushing forward to press her palm against his forehead. When her hand made contact, a spark arced between them, causing her to gasp in surprise more than pain. “Oh, sorry about that,” she mumbled, though she was gratified to see a little more color return to his face as she ushered him towards the couch. The television was on, and Iris saw images flicker past the screen on fast-forward. After helping Barry back to the couch, she grabbed the remote and hit pause, freezing the frame.

Upon realizing what show he was watching, she couldn’t help but smile. “C.S.I.?” she asked. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d enjoy that show, given what you do for a living.”

“Oh, no, it’s great,” he replied. “I’ve learned a lot. Did you know you can take a blurry photo from a security camera six blocks away and enhance it to the point you can read the license plate? It’s amazing!”

Assuming he was being sarcastic, Iris laughed, though she was still looking at him in concern. “Is there anything I can get you? Water or…or soup or something?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m okay. Actually, I feel a lot better already, just being with you.”

He did look a lot better, she decided, as she checked for a temperature again. He felt a little cooler than he had a few minutes before, though another spark arched between them as they touched. “Oh, god, I don’t mean to keep shocking you with static electricity like this.” But she noticed he looked even better than he had a moment before as she shrugged out of her coat and scarf, hoping thought would help.

“It’s all right. It doesn’t hurt at all,” he reassured her, grabbing her hand and giving it a slight tug to draw her onto the couch next to him. She felt herself blush when he linked his fingers in hers. She’d been trying for ages to find a way to ask him out, and now they were alone together and he was looking at her like he really saw her – and her interest in him – for the first time. It was enough to make her tongue-tied.

With a lopsided smile, he asked, “So, not that I’m not glad to see you, but what brings you by, anyway?”

Iris threw him a sheepish smile in return. In the harsh light of day, having seen how sick Barry appeared to be a few minutes before, her suspicions seemed more than a little concerned. She’d seen the Flash get injured in a battle against another meta human and move around minutes later as though he was fine, so she suspected he had some sort of advanced healing capability. If that were true, was it even possible for him to get sick?

Although, when she looked at him now, Barry hardly seemed sick. In fact, if she didn’t know better, she’d never have suspected he’d looked like he was on death’s door. Feeling hopelessly uncertain, she scrambled for an excuse. “Oh, it’s – it’s nothing. I was just…there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, but if it’s a bad time…”

“When it comes to you, it’s never a bad time,” he reassured her.

Iris let out an incredulous laugh. “You’re a smooth talker, aren’t you?” she asked, almost unable to reconcile the flattering man in front of her with the subject of her crush, who hadn’t picked up on her numerous attempts to flirt with him in the past.

Her heart almost stopped when he threw her a wicked grin. “That depends. Is it working?”

She choked on her gasp of surprise and threw him a suspicious look through narrowed eyes. “Okay, that’s it. Who are you and what have you done with the real Barry Allen?”

For a second, an expression of near-panic crossed his face, but it passed so quickly, she could almost swear she imagined it. “I don’t know what you mean!” he protested. “I’m really Barry!”

“Uh huh. You must be feverish if you’re flirting with me. You’ve never done that before, you know.”

He relaxed imperceptibly. “Maybe I’ve wanted to.” Her heart hammering, she met his eyes, and he asked, “So, tell me…are you seeing anyone right now?”

“I’m – I – I –” she stammered, her brain scrambling to process this new reality. Was this real life? Barry Allen was actually flirting with her, after all the times she’d all but thrown herself at him and hit nothing but a brick wall? Wondering if this was some kind of trick or misunderstanding – or the byproduct of his fever – she chose her words carefully when she replied, “I’m not, but I do have a crush on…someone. I just…was sure he didn’t feel the same way about me.”

Barry started stroking his thumb along the sensitive skin of her palm. “Oh, really? Who’s the lucky guy? And what can I do to help you change your mind?”

She shook her head, hardly able to believe her ears. “Now I think I must have a fever. I’m pretty sure I have to be imagining this,” she mumbled, unable to believe her ears.

Barry lifted his free hand to stroke her cheek, his thumb brushing against her bottom lip, though he didn’t release the hand he held in his own. “Come on, Iris. I know I may not always be good at showing it, but you have to know you’re special to me.”

His words were so familiar, so similar to the words the Flash had spoken to her the night before, that “I – I –” she stammered again. She opened her mouth to confess that, in fact, he was the lucky guy and had been all along, when she heard a sound from a back room. The bedroom? It sounded like someone moving around, and her heart sank. Did Barry have someone over? If they were hiding in his bedroom, it wasn’t likely to be a friend. Was it another girl? But if so, what was he doing flirting with her?

Snatching her hand back from his, she blurted, her voice tinged with anger and disappointment in his behavior, “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize you had company. I shouldn’t bother you.” At his confused look, she said, “If you had another girl over, you could have just told me. You didn’t have to pretend to flirt with me to distract me. What you do with your personal life isn’t any of my business.”

“What? That’s not another girl! It’s – uh – the Flash.”

Iris froze in her tracks and turned on him slowly. “What?”

“Uh, yeah. He came over to ask for my help with something he’s working on.”

“And now he’s hiding in your bedroom because?”

Barry shrugged. “Well, he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for people to find out we work together. It could be dangerous, you know.”

Iris wasn’t sure what to believe. On the one hand, she wanted to believe that Barry wasn’t hiding another girl in his bedroom. Not that she had any claim on him, but if he really was involved with someone else, any chance she’d have of him reciprocating her feelings would be lost. On the other hand, she’d been so convinced a minute ago that Barry and Flash were the same person. The way they’d both told her she was special to them was so similar. Could she really have been wrong?

“Here, give me just a second. I’ll go get him,” Barry blurted, jumping to his feet. The energy he displayed as he raced to the back room belied any indication he’d ever been sick.

A moment later, the door opened and Barry staggered out, his hair even more mussed than it had been before he left. “What are - Iris! I - uh - wh-”

Before he could continue, the Flash appeared next to him. “Well, Barry, I almost didn’t believe you when you said Iris was here.”

“You didn’t?” he asked in a hollow voice.

“Hey, there, pretty lady. I wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon, but you’re always a sight for sore eyes.” He grinned as he approached but Iris only vaguely noticed. Her eyes were locked on Barry’s. She watched as he blushed bright red and shifted his weight back and forth anxiously. Whatever quiet confidence he’d found earlier had clearly fled, leaving behind the shy, awkward man who had stolen her heart to begin with. She had to clutch her hands behind her back to resist the urge to brush his hair back from his face, though she did give a surreptitious glance around the room, looking for hidden mistletoe. Hoping she could maneuver him under it before she left, to steal a kiss. To her chagrin, however, she saw no Christmas decorations at all.

“I-I should leave you two alone,” Barry said, sounding miserable as he edged back towards his bedroom. “I’m not dressed for company.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” the Flash interjected, speeding over to his friend and wrapping his arm around the other man’s shoulders, encouraging him forward. “Iris saw you like this a minute ago and she didn’t mind. Did she?”

“She did? So that’s why you - I-I mean of course she did,” he replied, glaring at the superhero in red.

“Anyway, you mentioned she had a question for you. How can we help, Iris?”

Iris felt her cheeks grow hot as she wondered how Barry could possibly have imparted as much as he apparently did in his short absence. Still, with the two of them before her, there was absolutely no doubt that her suspicions that Barry and the Flash were the same person were wrong. She couldn’t even delude herself into thinking that the Flash was an impersonator, since she’d just seen him use his powers. And the man who stood before her in his nightclothes was undeniably, adorably, heart-breakingly Barry.

She’d come over with a plan to ask Barry if he was secretly the Flash - after reassuring him that he could trust her with his secret, of course - but she could hardly do so now. And any thought she’d entertained of asking him out to dinner - again - fled when she saw how uncomfortable he was at the moment. Maybe a minute ago, when he’d flirted with her with a level of self-assurance that he’d rarely displayed in their interactions of late. But whatever sickness had possessed him, to make him actually flirt with her, was clearly gone. “Oh, I - it isn’t - it isn’t important,” she stammered. Feeling both men’s eyes on her, she rushed to lie, “I can’t even remember what it was now. Anyway, you’re clearly busy, so I should - I should go. I’m glad you’re feeling better, Barry. You should, um, you should take care of yourself.”

“I am?” Barry asked, shooting the Flash another quick glance. Then, with a slight frown, he turned his attention back to Iris. She was almost to the door when he called out her name. She paused, turning to face him again, and she caught her breath when he walked close to her. “I just wanted to say…”

“Yes?” she breathed as his voice trailed off, halfway hoping that he was about to tell her he was crazy about her and always had been.

Barry’s mouth twisted into a quick scowl and then he leaned down and scooped her scarf off the couch, where it had fallen when she was speaking with him earlier. “Don’t forget your scarf. It’s cold out there.” When she didn’t move to take it right away, he slowly looped it around her neck, tying it carefully before gently tucking the ends of the scarf under the folds of her coat.

Grateful to have an excuse to touch him again, Iris lifted her hand to press it against his forehead, but her traitorous palm didn’t make it that far. Instead, she found herself cupping his cheep, brushing her thumb against the side of his mouth. Once again, there was a spark between them, though it was somewhat milder than before. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Barry. Take care of yourself, all right?”

There was an expression she couldn’t read in his hazel eyes, and she stared at him as though trying to commit every fleck of gold to memory. Then, before she could make a greater fool of herself, she dropped her hand and darted out the door.

As she raced down the stairs, she heard the faint strains of an old Christmas song filter through a neighbor’s door. _“”I’ll have a blue Christmas without you. I’ll be so blue just thinking about you. Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree won’t be the same, dear, if you’re not here with me…”_


	4. Chapter 4

“What’s up with you?” the Flash asked in concern as Barry sunk onto the couch, spearing his fingers into his hair as he bowed his head. “I thought you’d be happy to see her.”

“I was,” he mumbled. “I mean, I am. But she’s not interested in seeing me. She’s interested in seeing you.”

The Flash snorted. “Barry, I _am_ you. And you’re me. Remember?”

He shook his head. “Not anymore. You know what I mean. Even if I can fix…this,” he gestured between the two of them, “she’s interested in the superhero. Not Barry Allen.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” the Flash replied, zipping around the apartment to burn off extra energy. “She barely looked my way when she thought I wasn’t you. I think I could have stripped naked and danced the Macarena and she wouldn’t have noticed, with the way she was looking at you.”

Barry surprised himself with a snort of laughter. “I think she would have - wait, you have your energy back! Did something happen?”

The Flash stopped in front of Barry long enough to shrug. “I don’t know. I was feeling really drained this morning, but then Iris stopped by and touched me - thinking I was you. Every time she did, there was some sort of spark between us. Like a small spark of lightning. And every time it happened, I felt a little better.”

“Huh,” Barry hummed in the back of his throat as he held his hand to his cheek. He imagined he could still feel the warmth of her hand against his skin, and the small spark that had arced between them when they touched. He’d think it was just a coincidence, but the Flash was right. He and Barry were the same person - or they had been, once upon a time. Of course, it might have just been static electricity, but he had the nagging feeling it meant something more. He thought about the Flash’s story the night before, how he’d given himself in to what Barry had concluded had to be the speed force. Until something had brought him back out again.

“Hey, Flash. Hold up.” The superhero was racing around the apartment, his lethargy from the night before gone, replaced by the hyperactivity that had been increasingly prevalent in his actions with each day that passed since their separation. When the Flash skidded to a halt in front of his other half, Barry saw tiny sparks of lightning arc across his skin. “Last night…after you got drawn into the speed force…what was it that you said pulled you out again?”

Unable to stand still, the Flash began to fidget. “Oh, I just remembered how you wanted my help with that interview with Iris. I know how important this story is to her, and I didn’t want to let her down. And somehow, thinking about that helped me find my way out again.”

Something started to click in his mind. “I need to ask you a question, and I need you to be honest with me. How do you feel about Iris?”

For the first time since their conversation began, the Flash grew completely still as he met Barry’s eyes. “Iris? I…I love her. I don’t know if some of the feelings you have for her carried over in the separation or what, but there’s something about her that draws me to her. Being with Iris…it feels like home.”

“Then why don’t you do something about it?” Barry asked urgently.

The Flash looked away. “Because you love her.” When Barry didn’t respond right away, he sighed and met his alter-ego’s eyes once more. “And because…Iris deserves better than me.” At Barry’s look of surprise, he explained, “I know I’m a hero, and there are so many incredible things I can do. But ever since our separation…you aren’t the only one who’s felt like half a person. I have, too. And I think…I may be the hero, but in our separation, you may have gotten the better end of the deal. You’re the _person_ , if that makes sense. You have a life, people who care about you. I just have…this.” He raised his hand, and Barry watched as lightning arced between his fingertips.

“When I was talking to Iris this morning, for a moment, I let myself pretend that I could give her something more. But what kind of life could I offer her, really? Every day that passes, I feel this…need. I feel the speed force call out to me, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on to this world. At the rate I’m going, I’m going to burn out soon. I know you haven’t wanted to tell me the ugly truth about what’s happening to me, but you don’t have to. I can feel it.”

The lightning spread from his fingers up his hands to his arms and across his chest, and the Flash watched it with a measure of sadness. “ The truth is…I can’t offer her the life you can. So you should tell her how you feel. Because even if I can’t have a future with her, you should. You deserve it. Both of you do.”

Everything fell into place in Barry’s mind, but he was sure it wasn’t the picture the Flash expected. “You deserve it, too, Flash. And actually…I think Iris may be the key we’ve been looking for all along. Give me just a minute to get ready, and then I’ll tell you my idea.”

* * *

Iris had just stopped by a bakery, looking to drown her self-pity in brightly decorated Christmas cookies, when her phone rang. Juggling her packages, she pulled out her phone and hit the button to answer without even looking at the screen. “Hello?”

“Iris? It’s Barry. I…I hope this isn’t a bad time. I just…I need to see you.”

Her heart hammering in her chest at the sound of his voice, she hurried to toss her cookies in the passenger seat of her car and slid behind the wheel as she answered, “I - of course. Is everything okay?” She held her breath after she asked that last question, hoping he would say that everything was fine but he just missed her. Could he have realized he had feelings for her after their conversation that morning? She was almost scared to believe it could be true.

Her hopes dimmed slightly when she heard him breathe out a sigh of relief and say, “It’s…complicated to go into over the phone. Can you - um - can you come by my apartment? I think it’ll be easier to explain in person.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” she promised as she turned the key in the ignition. As she tossed her phone into the passenger seat next to the cookies and pulled into traffic, she found herself grinning at the thought of seeing Barry again.

She headed towards his apartment, singing softly to herself, _“I don’t need expensive things. They don’t matter to me. All that I want can’t be found underneath the Christmas tree. You are the angel atop my tree. You are my dream come true. Santa can’t bring me what I need, cause all I need for Christmas is you.”_

* * *

Iris didn’t know what she’d expected when she got to his apartment, but it wasn’t to find Flash still standing in his living room. “I - oh. Is - is everything okay?” she asked again, looking between them.

The Flash had been racing around the apartment, but he stopped when he saw Iris, and the two men exchanged looks. “Well, that’s what we’re hoping to find out,” Barry replied cryptically. “But first…there’s something we…” He broke off, running one hand anxiously through his hair. “This is harder than I thought. There’s something we want to tell you. About the Flash’s secret identity.”

“You don’t have to do that!” she blurted quickly. “I mean, I’m honored that you want to share your secret with me, but it isn’t necessary.”

“I think it might be,” the Flash replied. “But it’s a little…complicated.” She saw lightning arc across his body, but when he reached out and took her hand, one small spark arced between them, and then he seemed to calm down. He stared at their hands fingers entwined as though it was the most miraculous sight he’d ever seen. “Before I get into it, there’s something I really need to ask. When you were here earlier, you said you had a crush on someone. Who was it?”

“Y-you heard that?” she stammered, her cheeks growing so hot she could swear she was about to spontaneously combust. “Oh, right. I mentioned it last night. W-well, it’s kind of a p-personal question, isn’’t it?” She tried to keep her gaze locked on the Flash’s face so her eyes couldn’t drift towards Barry and give her away, but when she realized she’d noticed his head was bowed and he was looking away from her, she realized she’d failed, and she dragged her attention back to the superhero in front of her.

“It is, but it’s important.”

“Why? How? How could my silly, unrequited crush be important?” she demanded, her voice edged with desperation.

“Because I’m in love with you. Can’t you tell?”

Her heart sank. “Oh, Flash. I’m - I’m sorry. I never meant to lead you on, but I’m in love with - with someone else.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Barry’s head snap up, but she tried to resist the urge to look over at him. Instead, she grabbed both of the Flash’s hands in her own. “The truth is, I admire you, of course. I think you’re…you’re incredible, if you want to know the truth. I admire what you can do and what you are. But I think I started to fall in love with…with someone else long before we met. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I understand,” he said softly, pulling her closer. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”

Once again, so was stunned to hear words that were so close to those Barry had said to her earlier - _what can I do to help you change your mind_ \- that she didn’t know how to process the coincidence. She didn’t even react when he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss.

“No matter what happens next, Barry’s a very lucky guy,” he whispered, too low for their companion to hear.

“Wh-what?” she breathed, her gaze straying towards the subject of her devotion. For the first time, she saw the longing on his face when he looked at her, could read his heartache in his eyes. Dropping Flash’s hands, she stepped back, crossing her arms over her chest, forgetting about the superhero’s presence as she stared into Barry’s eyes. “I don’t - I don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head quickly. “I thought…you barely know I’m alive!”

Barry let out an incredulous bark of laughter. “Are you kidding, Iris? I’ve been in love with you from the day we met! I’m not sure even remember what it felt like _not_ to love you. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

Her jaw dropped. “But you…every time I tried to get close to you, you just pushed me at the Flash!” Looking between them, she crossed her arms against her chest. “And wait just a minute. Why tell me this now? In front of the Flash? You could have told me at any time. You could have told me this when I was here earlier -”

“Because there’s something I need to do, but I think…I think it might be dangerous. And I didn’t want to take that chance without telling you how I felt.”

“No! You can’t! If it’s dangerous, then…then just don’t do it! Whatever it is, we can find another way!” She didn’t understand what was going on, but she could tell it was serious from the look on his face.

“Iris, you don’t understand -”

“No, you don’t understand!” she interjected. “I love you too, you big idiot! Whatever it is, I don’t - I don’t want to lose you!”

“You love me?” Barry breathed, his face breaking into a smile that caused the butterflies in her stomach to go into overdrive.

Meanwhile, the Flash gloated, “I knew it!”

Iris ignored him. “So just…tell me what it is, and I know we can find another way. I know it! Let me help you!”

“That’s actually why we asked you to come here,” the Flash replied, sobering abruptly. “We need your help.” She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to see the Flash push his cowl off his face. “That’s why we wanted to tell you my secret.”

She could barely believe her eyes. “You…I don’t understand. The Flash is…Barry, I didn’t realize you had a twin brother.”

“I don’t,” he said, stepping next to the Flash. “I’m him. That is, he’s me. It’s - it’s a long story.”

Her gaze darted between the two, noting that they had freckles in the exact same place. The only thing different between them was their expression - while the Flash was throwing her a cocky grin, Barry looked a little anxious and unsure. Like he was afraid the truth would change her feelings.

“Okay. I’m here, and I have time. Tell me,” she said softly as she lowered herself onto the couch.

So they did. Barry told her about how he became the Flash, and all that had changed in his life since that day. He told her how he’d been scared to tell anyone the truth about himself, worried it would put them in danger. He told her what it was like to live the life of a superhero alone. And then he told her about the accident that had separated them and everything that had happened since.

“I thought - I thought you were interested in the Flash, not me. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to find a way to reverse this…this thing that happened to us, so I thought if I could just find a way for you to be happy with him, that would be enough.”

“So why tell me now?” she asked, her head swimming from everything he’d just told her.

“Because the Flash…I think he’s dying. When we got separated, it’s like…it’s like he lost the part of himself that could control his powers. That could remind him to slow down every once in a while. It’s just like…” Barry waved his hand in the air as though searching for the words to explain. “It’s just like now I’m Barry, and that’s all I am. Well, he’s the Flash, and that’s all he is. Everything else that makes me me, everything that anchors me to this world, he’s losing his grasp on it. He’s losing himself to the speed force, and I’m scared that pretty soon, he won’t be able to find his way back again. We may be two different people right now, but he’s still a part of me. Does that make sense? I don’t want to lose that part of myself.”

Barry had briefly explained the speed force earlier, though she still wasn’t sure she entirely understood what it was. “So what are you going to do, and what did you mean when you said it was dangerous?” she asked quietly.

Barry and the Flash exchanged a quick glance before the Flash offered, “We’re going to go into the speed force. The two of us. Together. It’s hard to explain what the speed force is or how we’re connected to it, but it might be the only thing powerful enough to bring the two of us back together. It’s the only thing we can think of to try that might save my life.”

She had been about to protest against them taking the risk, but those last words drew her up short. If it could save the Flash, with all the good he had done and may yet do, wasn’t their plan worth the risk? More than that, she remembered Barry’s words from a moment before. He and the Flash were still connected somehow, even if they were split into two different people. What would happen to Barry if the Flash was permanently lost to the speed force?

“Okay,” she said, sucking in a deep breath and trying to be brave. “So how can I help?”

The Flash grinned at her, his smile an eerie reflection of Barry’s own, causing her heart to twist. “Well, I love you. I don’t know if it’s because of me or if it’s because Barry does. When I went into the speed force last night, it was thinking of you - you and Barry both - that brought me back. And touching you earlier, it made me…better. I’m hoping once we go into the speed force together, it’s our feelings for you that will bring us back out again.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?” she asked in a haunted whisper, her eyes searching Barry’s face for any sign of hope. “What if whatever there is between us isn’t strong enough to bring you back to me?”

“It will be,” he promised her. Reaching up to cup her face in his hands, he rested his forehead against hers. “You’re my lightning rod, Iris. I love you so much, I have to believe that I - that we - will always find a way to run home to you.”

He bent down to press his mouth against hers in a kiss, but she drew back at the last moment. “No,” she said firmly. Reading his confusion on his face, she explained, “I’ll kiss you if - _when_ \- you come back to me.”

A second passed as Barry processed her words, and then a warm smile spread slowly across his face. “Then I’ll have to run back as fast as I can.” Then, before she could lose her nerve, he turned to the Flash. “You ready for this?”

“I’m ready. Hold on tight.”

The Flash wrapped his arm around Barry and disappeared in a bright flash of light, similar to the one Iris had seen the night before. She didn’t know how long she would have to wait to know if it worked, so she began to pace back and forth in Barry’s apartment. After several minutes passed with no sign of either of them, she walked to the radio and flipped it on, hoping to find some music to distract her.

_“-know he put me at ease, and he loved me so naughty, made me weak in the knees. Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

_I’m so hard to handle, I’m selfish and I’m sad. Now I’ve gone and lost the best baby that I ever had. I wish I had a river I could -“_

Unable to take it any more, Iris winced and flipped off the music again. Then she paced back and forth again, the silence in Barry’s apartment broken only by her desperate whispers. “Run home to me, Barry. Run home to me.”


	5. Chapter 5

Just when Iris was convinced her heart would break, there was a bright flash of light behind her. She whirled around to find him standing there. But was it really him? Or all of him? “Barry?” she breathed.

“I told you I would run home to you, Iris,” he told her with a smile. But before he could say anything else, she threw herself against him. Wrapping her arms around him, she pressed her lips against his in a desperate kiss. The taste of his kiss reminded her of the quick embrace she’d shared with the Flash a few minutes before, but it was different, too. He lifted her off her feet with a shout of laughter, drawing her lips down for one kiss after another. Finally, he breathed against her cheek, “It’s so strange, but kissing you is like coming home. And no matter what happens in the future, the thought of you will always bring me home.”

Iris’s giggle was almost delirious as she pressed her cheek against his shoulder. “You know, I was looking around for mistletoe earlier, hoping it would give me an excuse to kiss you.”

When she met his eyes, she saw both sides of the man she’d come to know - the adorable nerd who had stolen her heart, and the smooth talker who had nearly swept her off her feet earlier that day in his apartment. “Who needs mistletoe?” he asked, pulling her in for another kiss.

* * *

“Do we really need to do this?” Barry asked later as Iris dragged him into yet another store.

“Yes, we do,” she replied in a tone that invited no argument. “The lack of Christmas decorations in your apartment is downright shameful, Barry!”

He wrapped his arm around her waist, nuzzling her neck from behind. “We could always go back to your place, if you’ve put decorations up already. And I don’t know about you, but I know I could think of a few things I’d rather be doing than shopping right now.”

Iris felt her blood heat as she thought about the implication of his words, but she tried to ignore the way he made her body feel. “I thought about going back to my place, but I’d still know your apartment was sad and empty of Christmas cheer. _I’d know_. And it would just eat me up inside. You don’t want to do that to me, do you?”

He seemed to consider the question, but there was a distinctly mischievous glint in his eye when he replied, “I suppose. That wasn’t _quite_ what I wanted to eat you up this Christmas.”

Iris gasped and swatted his arm in mock outrage. “I can _not_ believe you just said that here in front of this Christmas tree display!” she protested, even as she lost herself in a brief fantasy of what he had in mind. 

“Too far? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable -” he began, looking down with a sheepish smile. It was so like the one he’d once given his elf costume that she grabbed the hem of his jacket and brought him down for a searing kiss.

“Christmas tree now. But we’ll _definitely_ be giving that a try once I rectify your Scrooge-like situation,” she murmured against his lips, causing him to laugh.

* * *

On Christmas Eve, Barry found himself curled up with Iris on his couch, staring wistfully at the lights sparking on his tree. A mound of presents lay underneath. If anyone had told him this was how he would end the year, he wouldn’t have believed it, and he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him at the thought.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked sleepily, pillowing her head on his shoulder as she looked up into his eyes.

“I was just wondering what ever made you look twice at a geek like me. Especially after the accident that split me into two different people. I was hardly sweeping you off your feet.”

She made a soft sound in the back of her throat and linked her fingers in his. “I don’t know. There was still something so…adorably endearing about you. Though you did drive me a little crazy because I kept trying to ask you out, and you kept acting like I was just trying to get close to you to get a story on the Flash! So I started inventing stories I needed your help with, but you just kept getting the Flash to solve them and then encouraging me to contact him for an interview!”

Barry’s smile was distinctly embarrassed. “I didn’t realize that’s what you were trying to do! I guess Barry could be a little clueless.”

“The Flash wasn’t much better, since I’m not sure he actually picked up on the fact I was talking about you when I told him I had a crush.”

He chuckled. “So you’re saying we’re both a little hopeless?”

“A little,” she agreed. “But I still love you. And, anyway, I didn’t fall in love with you because you were some suave superhero. I fell in love with the guy who was willing to put on a dorky elf costume and make a fool out of himself for some kids at Christmas. It’s like you said. You don’t need superpowers to be a superhero.”

He snorted. “You know, I already bought you your Christmas gifts, you know. You don’t need to butter me up,” he teased. “That’s hardly heroic.”

“It was to me,” she retorted with a small smile. “You made some kids happy at Christmas. What could be more heroic than that? Other than…well, even when the only thing I knew of you was what I saw at crime scenes, I could see how brilliant you were. Not everyone sees the world the way you do or has your ability to use your mind to bring criminals to justice.” He was touched, uncertain of what to say, when she continued, “You’re my hero, Barry. With or without your powers. Don’t you know that?”

“I-I must have forgotten,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “Have I ever told you how much you amaze me? There would be no Flash without you, you know.” He suspected there would be no Barry Allen without her, either, since it was his love for her that had made him whole and brought him out of the speed force. He doubted he’d ever be able to explain what it felt like to lose himself in the speed force, other than to say that it was the closest he could come to imagining what it was like to be in heaven. Other than being in her arms.

It was that thought - and the thought of holding her in his arms once more - that had helped him to focus on coming back to her. And when she’d turned and he saw that smile that stole his heart every time, he had no doubt he would always come home to her. Whatever it took.

“I suppose if what you said is true, I can hardly deny it. But it doesn’t hurt to hear it again,” she replied lightly.

She started to relax against his chest again, but he pressed a kiss against her temple. “Actually, give me a second. There’s something I almost forgot.”

“What is it?” she asked curiously, shifting off his lap to allow him to get up. He moved to the tree and began to root around until he found a small present. He’d intended to give her most of her presents the next day - in fact, he had a whole plan involving a diamond ring he’d hidden under the tree - but he could hardly wait. Maybe this one present, he could give her tonight.

She chuckled, though she still grabbed her present with almost childish enthusiasm. “Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? We’re supposed to open our gifts tomorrow.”

“Well, if you don’t want it -” he teased her as he reached for it.

“I didn’t say that!” she told him hurriedly as she held her present out of reach. When he laughed and dropped his hand, she tore into the wrapping paper, tossing it aside to open the box

Barry watched her face as she pulled out the ornament secreted within. It was a small frame, containing a picture of the two of them that Barry had taken a few nights before, when Iris dragged him out for yet another round of Christmas shopping. He had his arms around her from behind, a goofy smile on his face, a bedraggled Santa hap slightly askew. Iris was grinning at the camera, looking breathtakingly beautiful in a matching Santa hat, her smile brighter than the Christmas lights that shone behind them. With the lights shining behind them, the snowflakes that fell around them lent an almost magical air to the photo. At the top of the frame, Barry had carved a delicate Iris. Its stem swept around the edge of the frame, forming a subtle lightning bolt at the side before curving into a gentle heart down at the bottom.

“What…what is this?” she asked, running a finger gently along the carved image.

“When I was lost in the speed force, I had a lot of time to think. Time works a little differently there. At first, it was so peaceful, I didn’t want to think at all. But then all these images of my life - as both Barry and the Flash - flickered in front of me, and I…I thought about you.

“All those things I can do - as a CSI or a superhero - they don’t matter compared to this. To these moments I share with you. I want wake up next to you every morning and go to bed next to you every night, and I want nothing more than to share all the joys and sorrows that come in between with you.”

“Barry…are you…are you asking me to marry you?”

Blushing, he realized what he’d done as he started to stammer, “W-well, sort of. I mean…yes. Well, no. I didn’t mean to - I was going to do it tomorrow. I have a ring somewhere under the tree, and I was trying to think of the words to - I was just going to give you this tonight, but I guess I got excited, and -”

“It’s all right, Barry,” she said, holding out a hand in a comforting gesture. “Whether you ask me tonight or tomorrow, the answer will still be yes.”

“Really?” he breathed, almost unable to believe his ears.

With a wide grin, she nodded. “Really. Because I feel the same way. Being a reporter, trying to fight for truth and justice…giving hope to the city with my articles? All of that is important. But this is more important.” She held up the photo ornament. “Me and you. How I feel when we’re together, and the way I _know_ we’re stronger when we’re together. I want to make the world a better place, but if was my destiny to be remembered like this? You and me? Together? As a family? That would be…I can’t imagine anything more wonderful than that.”

Unable to stand it any longer, he grabbed her by the hand and pulled her to her feet. She turned to head to the bedroom, but he stopped her. “What?” she asked.

“Nothing. Well…just one more thing,” he amended.

“Can it wait? Because I was just thinking of something else we could do…”

He chuckled, but the sound was pained. “No. Well, yes, but I spent a lot of time trying to think of how I was going to propose to you, and I don’t want to blow it entirely! I just know how much you like Christmas songs and I kind of had this idea of using one to propose. It’s a little dorky, I know, but -”

“It’s all right,” she broke in gently. “Do you want me to turn on the radio?”

He shook his head. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and began to sway back and forth as he sang quietly, _“Maybe I’m crazy to suppose I’d ever be the one you chose out of a thousand invitations you received. Ah, but in case I stand one little chance, here comes the jackpot question in advance. What are you doing New Year’s, New Year’s Eve?”_

In answer, she jumped, wrapping her legs around his waist as she dragged his mouth to hers. When he began to carry her towards the bedroom, she whispered against his lips, “This year, next year, and every year after.”


End file.
